Emotional geometry

Here I am.
I am a point.
A place in space, coordinates unknown to me, but there nonetheless.

I'm travelling through my life, look at my ray.
My ray, a point I am, travelling through space.
I leave this ray behind me. It is a path I have traveled.
See that point on the other end of the ray?
That point was who I was. The point I used to be, but my coordinates have changed.

My life is this polygon.
Observe these beautiful curves.
These Béziers, all those times when the points I am have travelled along a smooth but twisted path.
All the turns, but all the good times within them.
I was at peace.

Look at these angles!
They are so sharp!
The anger, the blame!
Such negativity. See it turn inward, over here it turns outward.
My life, my polygon's area becomes smaller with inward anger.
Look at how my polygon interferes when my anger shot outward.
All these other points, these other people.
The people and their rays, the polygons of their own lives.

Like chains, we're linked, our relationships define us, in part.
Alone, I am but one polygon.
Together, my relationships, these combined polygons, we make something more.

Oh, but look how these polygons interfere.
See this negativity from that polygon?
Someone else's line, thrusting itself into the pattern I am weaving.
Look how it changes the pattern.
The bigger picture is distorted by these places.
The polygon I form is less beautiful now.
That polygon and my own were not meant to overlap there.
I can see it in the pattern.

Oh, the agony of the form. What was beautiful is now tragic, but still beautiful.
Beautiful because of the pain.
Beautiful because of the scribble disrupting the form.
See how my polygon is now disjointed.
It is sad, but makes the picture drawn more real.
It's real because it has flaws. Nothing is perfect.

What path is my ray going to take?
Where am I, as a point, going to go?
How will my geometry change?

Can you see the deviation in the color of the line I make?
See how I go from black to red, to blue, to any assortment!
This geometry with unseen variables, but they are color!
A warm yellow, defined by the times of joy.
A sad blue, defined by the sadness.
A red for the passion, for the anger, for the love.
No, no. But the problem is that my point's colors change like they do.
See how my polygon is so blue?
See how my polygon is so red?
Here, I find myself, a point, reviewing from a new vertical axis my ray, my polygon.
All those painful times when I was sad. All the painful times when I was angry.
I have become three dimensional, but I feel I have lost part of who I am.
I'm not just a point, my life not just a 2D plane in between the vertices.

Yet I am still also a point. My life is still a polygon. My past is still a ray.
I'm seeing a larger whole, but I don't understand it just yet.
I seek another point to travel beside. Perhaps the picture I paint will be brighter colors.

But look at all the polygon, all the object, all the rays, all my vertices...
My vertices, the turning points of my life. Things change.
I'm still travelling my ray, and it is now blue, and I observe that many times, my ray was gray.
Gray, feeling emotionless. Apathic, stoic, numb.
Was I trying to protect myself?
Was I trying to protect others?
Even so, the vibrancy is lost.
Look as the fill color becomes muddy and desaturated.

Look at all those brighter colors that become pastel.
I don't like pastels. They don't seem genuine.
See, all those times I was pretending to be happy.

Do you pity me?
Do you understand?
Do you despise me?
Do you scoff at me?
Do you care?

What do I want?
Pity? Understanding?
What I want is love.
I can make my own happiness... but love is a complicated thing.

My emotional geometry seems broken.
Calculations that make no sense.
My normals are inverted, I reflect no light here on these faces.
My normals are regular, I show these colors on these faces.
How is this so?
I am twisted up inside.

Hear these words, and although you may not understand, know that it is all true.
Genuine, honest, real.
Here I give you a peek at my heart, ripped apart by myself and others.
Here I give you a taste of my soul, drifting in a sea of emotion alone.