How it should have happened: The end of a friendship

     He was driving home, and had his new friend in the car with him. He had spent the last several hours helping her out with things she needed, and that included providing a ride out of town, and to their mutual friend's house. The length of the drive was no big deal to him, although she did offer to take over if he was tired several times.

    Unexpectedly, he received a phone call from his best friend. Uncertain about how the phone call may go, but concerned that it could go south, he asked his friend beside him in the car to remain quiet for the call. He answered.

    "Hey, buddy, how's it going?" Came the familiar voice over the car speakers as the phone call connected.

    "It's going ok, but I'm driving right now, what's up?" He responded to his friend.

    "Look, I need to talk to you about the trip we went on." The friend was clearly expecting a response. There was a long silence before his answer came.

    "Hey, I don't think we should talk about that right now. I have a feeling that emotions are going to get involved, and think we should talk about this in person, not over the phone." He shifted a bit uncomfortably in his car seat.

    "Why don't you want to talk about it over the phone?" His friend asked, knowingly.

    "I am driving, you and I both don't have the numbers about exactly what all is owed, but I need you to pay me back at least enough of what I lent you and your family to pay my minimum required credit card payments and rent." He said, giving his best reasons to wait.

    "You're right." He said, in this version of events. "It would be easier to discuss things in person after all. You seem to think I'm concerned about the money, but I'm actually wanting to discuss why you keep talking about things going on between us with other people who have no need to know." His best friend responded.

    "Well, when would work for you? I know you and your fiancée are really busy lately, and you know I don't want to inconvenience you."

    "How about later tonight? I don't have a lot of time, but I could probably put aside half an hour for us to talk. I won't have time to hang out or play games, but at least we can discuss the situation."

    "Ok, I'll see you tonight then. Would 8pm be good?"

    "I think I may have to do closer to 10pm. But I'll call you back and let you know for sure."

    "Alright. I'll talk to you later tonight." He said, knowing that his friend had not been forthcoming about his actual schedule, or ability to meet the last few times. Nevertheless, he was still willing to believe his friend.

    After the phone call ended, he turned to his friend in the car next to him. He commented about how much better that went than he had expected, given the nature of the best friend's call. She smiled and looked back at him as he continued to drive.

    "You're a good guy. He knows that, I know that, we all know it. There's no reason for him to take things out on you. I mean, look at all you've done for them, right?" She said as naturally as claiming that the sky is blue in daylight.

    "Yeah, but I just have a feeling that, in another timeline, I'm sobbing and crying right now. In that timeline, he blew up at me, and ended the friendship right there." He said back, with a look of relief on his face. "But that's not me, thank goodness."

    "Thank goodness. Because I still need your help."

    "You still have it. I just have to make sure I can meet up with him about his concerns, too."

    "I know, and you do you, boo." She responded.

    That evening, around 9:30pm, he got a call back from his best friend telling him that it was ok for him to make his way over from across town. So, he put on his hoodie, headed to his friend's house, and braced himself for a difficult conversation.

    "Hi." His best friend said, as he was welcomed into their house. There was a coldness behind it. His best friend was clearly angry, just like it had been on his birthday. The fact that all he had said was 'hi', already betrayed that he wanted to keep the conversation brief.

    "Hi. So, you wanted to talk?" He replied, hoping to just be honest as he had promised he would be, and hoping that his best friend would remember his promise to be honest from when they had first become friends three years prior.

    "Why do you keep on telling things I've told you in confidence to other people?" His friend demanded. This time, the anger was in his voice, but subdued. He was holding back right now.

    "I am worried about you, and I've been trying to seek help from your family." He replied. "Do you not think it's strange that after your family promised to pay us both back, none of them have issued any payments yet?"

    "That's not any of my mother's business, or my aunt's. You know my mother is going through a hard time because of the death in the family, and you know that my Aunt's illness is progressing. Everything you tell them about our problems just makes things harder on them." His friend berated him.

    "Ok, but just because they are having problems doesn't mean that the rest of your family should be able to treat us as a back-burner item to be left high and dry on their promises. If they're not paying you, then I'm not getting back the money I need for my bare-minimum needs." He replied.

    "Look, I didn't tell you to quit your job, and I never told you to move to Illinois with me. I told you I was going to cancel the trip because it was too pricey, but you insisted I should be able to go, and offered to help me pay for it. But if you're regretting that decision now, you can't just go back on it." His friend answered, showing for the first time some of his resentment.

    "I never said you told me to quit my job. We both decided to do it because it was too stressful, too busy, and did not pay what we were worth. You know that. And I know you didn't tell me to move with you, you gave me the option to come. I wanted to stay by your side, please don't use that against me." He replied, feeling genuine sadness that his best friend was now showing that he had issues with their friendship that he hadn't expressed before.

    "I've told you time and time again not to tell anyone else anything about what's going on in my life. But you keep on doing it, you just don't know how to keep your mouth shut!" His best friend had now raised his voice to him.

    "My needs aren't being met! And you know I don't mean my emotional needs, although you have been treating them as unimportant. I mean the basic requirements of not being homeless or having to take out a loan. I have to be able to pay my bills, and I can't when the money you and your family promised I would get back hasn't been given to me at all yet." He replied, now upset that his friend was changing the topic.

    "That doesn't address the fact that you keep telling other people, like my aunt and my mother, about things that are happening between me and my fiancée, and between you and me. They don't have to know, and I don't want them to know. You know that I want to be a complete mystery to everyone, and not tell anyone about myself. I want to be in control of the narrative about me, and when you tell people about my problems, I'm no longer able to control it."

    "I get that you don't want me to tell others about you or things involving you. But I'd forgotten that part about you when I told your mother about the car crash, eventually. You know I hated having to lie about it. I hate having to lie! I lied for you, to my detriment, and when I finally told the truth, you're angry. I didn't want to talk to other people about you and your family owing us money, but you haven't been getting anything back from your family, and as the result I haven't gotten anything from you. I have to at least try to do something, and since the problem seems to be with your family, why shouldn't I bring them into it, to ask how to reach the members that owe us?" He replied, trying to express the reasons for his actions.

    "All it ever is with you is the money, and you're ignoring what I'm telling you about how I don't want you talking to other people about me." His best friend replied.

    "I'm not ignoring it, I've been doing my very best to avoid talking about you, but you're making it hard for me to avoid it. I tell people how I'm doing, and when it's not good, I'm honest and tell them it's not good. If you're a reason it's not good, then I'm going to include you in the explanation of why when they press for it."

    "Then our friendship is over. I'm sorry, but I care too much about my privacy to let you stay in my life and keep telling other people about what's going on."

    "Do I really mean that little to you?" He said, beginning to cry.

    "You know I care about you, but I just can't be your friend anymore. I have my priorities, and my privacy is more important to me than anything, even my relationship with my fiancée. So, since you can't keep quiet about what's going on between us, I just will cut you out of my life like I said I would. You can't share anything, if you don't know anything." His former best friend said pointedly.

    "If it has to be this way, then fine. But then I want to be paid back all the money you and your family owe me. It was never about the money while we were friends, but if we aren't friends anymore, then that makes me a lender, and you a borrower that's behind on payment. I want that money now." He said.

    "I don't have it at the moment, but you will get the money, I promise." His former friend said, as he gestured toward his front door, literally showing him the door. The conversation was over, and so he got up, and went home. A week later, he received $2,000 of what he was owed.

    "Where's the rest?" He asked, when his former friend had sent only 2/5ths of his debt back.

    "I will get it to you when I have it. I am currently working on that, so just hang on for a little while, and in the meantime, please don't contact me or my family." His former friend replied.

    The next month, he received the other $3,000 he was owed, and from that point forward, they no longer had anything to do with each other. Although their friendship was over, the hard feelings were minimal.

I lost my way

I had a path, but could not walk it alone.

I reached a crossroad, but could not call it home.

I found some friends, but could not keep them near.

I lost my way, since they're not here.

I fell down hard, since I am prone.

I needed help, since I hadn't known.

I got back up, since I couldn't stay.

I just don't know, why are things this way?

I could not cry, the pain too great.

I could not try, the love is late.

I said goodbye, that is my fate.

I did good deeds, look where it led.

I lost it all, to those who bled.

I bled out, to save them still.

I gave up, I had no will.

So I lost my way.

So I lost my mind.

So I lost my home.

So I lost my grind.

So I lost desire.

So I lost the pain.

But the love is not... coming back again.

The magical boy

There was once a boy who grew up believing that he was a marionette that had come to life and been transformed into a real boy by a fairy. But as he grew up, the boy was reminded over and over about how broken he was. A real boy would be like this, not like that. And as this boy grew up, he felt like there was no point in trying to do anything with his life, because of how broken he was before the fairy turned him into a real boy.

"If only I were not so broken," the boy thought, "people would love me, but I do not know how to fix the broken parts of who I am." When the boy tried to show how he really felt, he found no sympathy, and soon learned that the only way he would be accepted by others was by being what they wanted him to be. So he wore a cursed mask given to him, that would allow him to be anyone else on the outside, and people slowly came to like him. Not for who he was, but for who the mask allowed him to be.

So, no longer believing in his own value, the boy tried to prove that even though he was broken, he was still a good boy. He both hated and accepted that what he wanted did not matter. So he went around doing good deeds for people, he was kind, and he was selfless. But deep down, he knew he was broken, because where his heart was supposed to be, he felt empty. He knew it was still there somewhere, because when the sadness came, it ached and hurt. No matter how bad things were, though, he could not cry.

"See," he told himself, "if I weren't broken, maybe I would be able to cry, but I can't even do that right."

Then, one day, the boy met someone who helped him rediscover his emotions again. It was scary, because after being empty for so long, having them back was so much all at once. But it was freeing, because at last, the boy felt like he was just a little less broken than before.

So, the boy followed his friend wherever they went. They were inseparable, or so he thought. His friend gave him permission to let the mask slip off a little around him. The boy gave his friend everything he could to show his love, because in helping him fix a little of what was wrong, the boy felt as if that friend had saved him from being broken forever. When things got really bad, the boy even gave his magical warding stone to his friend.

Yet, one day, this friendship went from the boy's strongest foundation to his biggest weakness. The boy had been helping his friend out regularly, but his friend had been stressed out by demands from everyone on their life. But luck took a turn for the worse for the boy, and he found out that he was going to need his warding stone in order to make a dangerous trip safe for a little while. So he asked his friend if he could meet to discuss his situation in person, he was surprised to hear his friend accuse him of being unreasonable.

"If you don't want to discuss it in person, that's fine, but I just need my stone back for a few minutes, I promise I will let you keep borrowing it afterward." The boy insisted.

"I've had enough of this! You always make things about you! You can take your stone back, but stay away from me and my family!" His friend said in fury, and with this declaration, ended their friendship. If the boy had believed himself fixed before, then this heartbreak did far worse. His entire world was reeling.

He could not see how his actions had been so offensive as to warrant the ending of the friendship, but he got back his warding stone. Yet for whatever victory it was to have his stone back, it was not enough to protect the boy from the curse of the mask.

The mask's curse tore the boy's mind apart. The curse reminding him of the truths:

• What you want doesn't matter
• You are not worthy of attention as you are
• People only like you for what you can do for them
• You will not be missed

He tried to shake his head, and remember not to accept the lies the cursed mask would tell him. He tried to remember the truth that he was just trying his hardest, and that he was still important. But the curse fogged up his head, and he found himself still thinking about how broken he was. If only he was a real boy all along.

The doctors had spoken to him. "But fairies are not real, you're just a regular boy. You have never been a marionette."

No, there was something too wrong with him for him to just be a regular boy. He went back to bed, and rested his head there, drifting off as he tried to stop existing, just for a moment.