So, a guy I know online just finished telling me "fuck my dad".
He was angry at his dad for being condescending.
He stated that his dad was obsessing about him finding a job.
His dad had taken away his home internet, and was disconnecting his phone wifi also.
He stated that his dad wanted him to get a job and find school, and that it was all his dad wanted him to do.
According to this guy, the condescending attitude of his father was the only thing keeping him from getting a job. He stated that he had found his first job on his own, and he would have a job if not for his dad and the attitude said parent had.
What an amusing statement.
Now, mind you, I know how tedious it can be when parents are strict, and add pressure where pressure alone does not provide any benefit. Heck, for that matter, it was not terribly long ago when I felt almost the exact same pressure to get a job from my parents.
Jobs are not hard to find. Jobs worth keeping, actual careers, are very difficult to locate. I consider myself among the fortunate few who have a really good job.
But what made his statements amusing was the sentiment that his dad's attitude was the sole reason he remained unemployed. If this were the case, I would expect it would mean that his dad was scaring off potential employers.
Now, mind you, it's entirely possible that this could have been the case.
Perhaps his dad had been yelling at employers that called at the house.
Perhaps when employers called about the job, his dad told his potential employer terrible (possibly untrue) things about him to them, causing them to select a different candidate.
However, if those scenarios were true, then when I asked in what way his dad's attitude was the sole reason why he was unemployed, I'd have expected he would have been more willing than anything else to share the injustices of his dad's misconduct.
Instead, he said that my question made him mad, and he logged off.
I find it interesting that regardless of what this guy says, it appears that he is projecting his own failings upon his father. After all, what reason does he have to be mad if it is legitimately his dad's fault? None, except for any indignation he has for his dad's behaviour.
No, instead, I suspect that this guy probably has been avoiding finding a job to this point, or finding school. When confronted by his dad about it, he probably tries to avoid the issue. When his dad pushes the issue and no response is gained, I think the dad probably decided that grounding his son (the guy doesn't call having privileges taken away 'grounding', it would seem) would be one of the only ways left for him to motivate his son.
While the methods may not be the most effective, and may even seem unfair, I have no reason to believe that a parent's bad attitude alone can prevent someone from getting a job for which they are well-qualified and willing to work, short of doing the activities I described above. (And even then, I would imagine some employers would give the guy the benefit of the doubt, and not simply trust the word of one person about who this guy is.)
Yet, rather than take responsibility for his own inaction, he would rather project how he should feel about himself onto his dad. Admittedly, we all do this. We see ourselves in others, we try to find ways to not see ourselves in ourselves, and we see others in ourselves.
Often we, as humans, try to find no fault in ourselves, and try to place blame for everything bad that happens upon others. We try to find what is good, and suggest that we are that good thing, or that we are capable of the same good things as someone else. We try our best to ignore when others have the same kind of faults as we do, because seeing them makes it difficult to judge anyone else for having them, because we know that deep down that we have the same faults.
I would like to think that all the negative experiences I have had in my past have led me to be less biased to do these things. At the end of the day, though, I realize that I am not the best judge of my own character. It may even be that nobody can be a proper judge of anyone's character because we all have our own ways of being these imperfect, messy, and glorious human beings.
We may not be perfect, but the imperfections mean we always have something to strive for, and sometimes some of the greatest beauties the world can offer come from the imperfection that is life.
We may see ourselves, projections on the screens of others, the people around us the very looking glass we use to judge who we are, but sometimes to find the truth of our identities, we need look no further than inward. Honest self-evaluation, including willingness to admit imperfection and flaws, is our best tool for self-improvement.
Hopefully, if that tool does not work, we will have close friends and family around us that can help us see who we are. Best of luck to that guy, by no means is his situation 'easy' because it is not mine. Our struggles are our own, and our pains as significant as they can be, to us.
